You can watch the video instead if you prefer it to reading this post

On May 5^th I walked away from a 2 year contract that would have been really good money because the environment was so toxic, I physically revolted from getting on my computer each morning.

I offered to stay until the end of the month to help transition.

On May 8^th, I was informed that was my last day.

I was being punished.

Luckily, in June I had some Dare To Lead engagements. As a contractor, it takes 30 days to be paid for things.

Payment for my first invoice comes in July 9, my mortgage comes out on July 1.

I am seeing what I can do to move things around to make ends meet and “keep the lights on” as I always say but I wanted to share this moment with you because as noted in my book, it’s those moments when we are IN IT that are never shared – we only hear about the success on the other side of things.

AND I AM IN IT.

I fear that my strong belief in listening to our inner knowing, in believing that we are meant for more was wrong.

This is shaking me at my core.

Should I have stayed in my corporate job that would have given me a HUGE pension by now? Should I have stayed in the unfulfilling job? Or, will something clear, come in and make space to align with the person / writer / facilitator I was meant to be?

This is the place where you step off the cliff and wait to see if the net will catch you or if you fall to your death.

My feet are off the ledge. I am scared shitless.

I am not sharing this with you for pity, sympathy or financial help. I am sharing this with you because I teach people that reaching out is the strongest thing you can do when you’re in pain.

I am sharing this with you because maybe one of you hold the answer to my problem, and maybe I can offer my services, ideas, or coaching in return.

I am sharing this with you because I know many of you are going through WAY worse and scarier things and if we can hold space for one another maybe we can get through it together.

So what am I doing about it?

I have looked into deferring my mortgage payment. My beautiful friend Lorena has swooped in like an angel here on earth to give me a bit of contract work that starts next month. I am going to slowly and methodically try to build a better system for my book and the subsequent learning programs (crickets currently).

I have some really exciting things coming up in September which I am so grateful for and looking forward to.

I am going to practice meditation, affirmations and visualizations as I suggest in my book.

I’m actually reading my book and finishing the prompts as a participant.

I am going to keep up my exercise, eat good food and drink less. Right now booze has been the warm blanket at the end of a tough day and I know that could turn into trouble if I let it.

I am going to reach out to my friends and colleagues and ask for ideas.

What can you do?

You can offer a suggestion, write a review for my business or book, refer someone to my book, services, or workshops. Only if it feels right to you.

I will let you know how things turn out. Unless of course, I end up flat as a pancake on the bottom of the canyon floor.

It’s funny that people always say to me “you are obviously doing really well.” And I answer “you see thee hustle – not the result”.

I suffer from the armoring behaviors of hustling for my worth and working from a place of scarcity. These are both wrapped around me like a vice right now.

I need to pause, reset, and request and receive help, ideas, suggestions and trust that the net will appear.

Thank you for listening and thank you for your support.

Laura

And PS I hate my face moisturizer right now because every time I cry, it stings my eyes. As if crying wasn’t bad enough. JERK.